Are you lonely or are you alone? I was a married mom of four and I felt alone…not lonely but alone. Being with four children all five years old and under, all day long can be very isolating. I had a husband but at this stage, he was building a business and working 24/7. I didn’t feel the typical bored house wife loneliness but more like I was raising four kids alone. More like a single parent. I spent holidays alone often, birthdays alone often and nights alone often. Not that my husband was a bad guy or any fighting was prevalent but he was just simply absent. And I was alone. My desire was to share the joys of parenthood with someone, laugh with someone, lean on someone, talk about the funny things the kids did that day with someone, but I was alone. I could not communicate that enough to my husband but sometimes a whisper is too loud and sometimes a shout is not loud enough.
So as of now, my life in a nutshell is this…got married, married my high school sweetheart, love of my life, started a family, went through devastating heartbreak, got it together, had more kids, experienced a transgender transition with my youngest child, life changes ahead…not even aware of them. Boy hindsight is 20/20!
Anyone who has seen the Sex and the City movie may appreciate my position right now. I have been here before, different time, different man, different reasons. The scene where Mr. Big is arriving at his wedding to Carrie and desperately needing his love to look at him, share a glance, give a reassurance, making a clear sign for only him to let him know it’s ok, it’s right, it’s good…right now in my marriage, I am waiting in the limo. Do something extraordinary, say something meaningful, show something transcending across only our relationship. Waiting for my husband to respond in this manner for just a second, a moment, a fraction of time. I am desperately needing this from him right now at this point in our marriage, I am waiting in the limo.