Was this my real life Bridges of Madison County? Was I to love this man and let him go, knowing that my heart will yearn for him for the rest of my life? I wasn’t leaving my husband, I wasn’t leaving my family, I was simply in love. I didn’t not love my husband, I didn’t even think of leaving him. He was all I knew and there was love there, even romantic love but I was head over heels in love with another man. I rode the wave, a little scared and a little excited not knowing where my love for this man will lead.
I have never felt the emotion of “my cup runneth over”…not to say I wasn’t blessed or grateful for all the wonderful things in my life but the emotional fulfillment of “my cup runneth over” was something as a women I had not felt. I had felt loved, I had felt important, I had felt appreciated, and wanted but I had not felt needed in the sense of a man needing a woman. My heart filled with so much joy and love as a woman that I felt that my cup runneth over…with emotion…with love…with joy!
Life as I knew it was…not bad! Not unhappy…filled, busy, productive. Even though I had a husband, I often felt like a single parent because he was not only absent physically but emotionally as well. Not for any other reason other than building a business. He had not checked out of the married, and neither had I. This is why when my heart fell for another, I was surprised! Even when in love with another, I was not unhappy in my marriage. But ultimately, if I had to choose, I could not see my life without my new love. For someone who had been with their husband since 15, I should not have been ready to see my life with another man. My husband was all I knew…life as I knew it. But here I was, in love with another! For a long time, I figured this was my Bridges of Madison County experience. Loving another, knowing he fills my heart but knowing it will never come to fruition. I had a life already….life as I knew it!
Why do we love who we love??? Is it a biological connection that we have with this person, is it a physical reaction, a intellectual interaction? Whatever it may be for you, some love grows into a long lasting relation that you cannot even explain. I did not want to fall in love, I was not looking for love, I had love…why was I here again? My heart wasn’t lonely but my soul was. My heart didn’t need another, but my mind did. I loved my husband, so why was my entire being falling for this other man? I shouldn’t have been, I didn’t want to be. Could I have stopped it? Maybe on the outside I could have, but on the inside, I was losing the battle. Love can be beautiful, how did I fight beauty?