, , , , , ,

This may seem like a weird post to some…but my fifth baby was my first baby with my new husband…and I was a wreck. My first husband was ten years older, had been in my life since I was fifteen, together for eighteen years, two college degrees, four kids, two businesses, he’d been there for everything I had experienced in my life since I was fifteen. Now I was suppose to have a baby without him…how? I was nervous, I was sad, it was unnatural to not have him there. My new husband, who I do love dearly, is eight years younger, had his first baby with the woman he cheated on me with, missed the actual birth, wasn’t with the mother as a couple at all through the pregnancy or birth or postpartum. So this was essentially his first birthing experience. His ignorance was not reassuring but it was more than that…it was an unfamiliarity. I had never had a baby without my first husband, I had not been through any major event in my life, let alone a birth, without him. Even with our divorce, we were on good terms and he assisted me with the lawyer issues. We worked together through the end of the marriage. Now I was scared and giving birth, without him. It was a foreign concept to me. Even though it was my fifth, I become more afraid with each child birth experience. Not because anything ever went wrong but because of the pain, the knowledge, the knowing of what was to come. As they say, ignorance is bliss. Well, there was no ignorance in my fifth childbirth experience. So I went in with my new husband to give birth, and everything, literally almost everything with me went wrong after the birth…my new husband even ended up calling my first husband and his wife to come…full circle…