To be perfectly honest I have never felt lost in my life…never had to “find” myself. This possible divorce left me lost…desperately lost. Unfortunately something that is worse than being lost is being lost with kids. I had to still to be myself because of the two precious girls I had along with the little one I was carrying. Alone emotionally…confused, angry, and lost. I had to still be myself…how difficult that was…my heart was physically aching. I had never experienced a physical pain in my heart until then. And not even since then either!
How do you live life when the world you know it as has turned upside down??? Not even just upside down but turned around shook three times then flipped back up…that’s how I felt. All I knew, all I loved, all that was me was now not. It was unknown, unfamiliar and unlivable.
Being 6 weeks pregnant takes a toll on your hormones and emotions any way but throw a possible separation or divorce on top of that, my emotions were running the gamet. How do I keep it together, how do I make it through? I had two little ones with one more on the way…I didn’t have a choice. I had to pull through and I had to do it without the help of the man I called my husband, my best friend, my strength. Now it was all me…it took all the strength I had in me to heal my heart, save my marriage and make it through.