When I tell people that my first born child is my hardest but best child, they rarely understood what I meant. I once read a book called, “how to raise a spirited child” and I felt like the book could have been written about my little girl. Since she was my first, there were a lot of things I didn’t know weren’t “normal”. And “normal” is used lightly…lol. But didn’t all children thrash side to side when you try to buckle them in the car seat? Didn’t all children scream and cry just when getting a diaper change? Didn’t all children throw tantrums daily even when you are giving them a “yes” answer! Well, mine did. On the other hand, my girl was so dynamic, entertaining, and smart. She was a force to be reckoned with in a good way. And even at a very young age, this girl could hold down the fort. To this day, she is impressive by extremes. My spirited child was the epitome of taking the good with the bad! I wouldn’t change it for the world!
After having my two wonderful…handful but wonderful girls…I was pregnant with a boy! It’s a different feeling. Every child was so incredibly different, different personalities, different emotions, different characteristics. Now a boy! I couldn’t wait to see how it was being the mom of a boy! I still remember buying my first “boy toy”… It was a superman rattle. I have it still to this day. I couldn’t part with my first boy toy bought.
Is this old fashion? Maybe so but it worked for me. Woman now a days do the college…career…family path. I don’t see why I couldn’t do it all together. I still had college…a business…my marriage and kids. Why must it be one or the other? I feel woman shine when they multitask. So I multitasked my life. I opened a business while attending college…got married right before the business opened, graduated pregnant…then went from there living life!
Since I meet my husband at 15…dated, got engaged, then married…you can say I bypassed the dating scene all together. Many criticized me for this…I can’t imagine why??? I got to experience the dating world with a mature, stable man in a secure, honest, trust worthy relationship. This made me grow into a strong, whole, independent woman. Why would going through the dating scene, getting heartbroken, lied to, left…benefit me as a person? How would it have helped me in my life. Why must I have experienced this to be a better woman? I have asked myself this many times…this is what the through the ignorance of people had been said to me. Instead, I experienced a healthy dating life with my future husband. One that was solid and ongoing, not off and on like many other dating relationships. We built a foundation and continued to grow it through our dating. This created the woman I am today in a wonderful way.
Why is forgiveness easier than trust to regain? I feel I can forgive…for the sake of my heart and sanity but how do I reach the point of trust again. Not trusting seems more damaging than trusting and getting hurt all over again. I can logically conclude that but can’t get my whole being to feel that and get on board. They say forgiveness is more for yourself than the other person but what about trust…