Being in an interracial marriage has different challenges. Although most of these challenges are minor, possible cultural difference that arise, I don’t mind these ones. It’s the outside ones that bother me most. My first marriage was not interracial, and not once while I had been out with my boyfriend, fiance, or husband, depending on the time of our relationship, did we get questioned if we were together. Even with a ten year age difference, people didn’t notice the age difference as much as they notice the race difference. With my new husband, who is a different race than me, we get asked more times than not if we are together. Especially when eating out, it never fails, “separate checks?. It discourages me that people won’t assume we are together, people won’t assume we are married, people won’t assume we are family simply because of race.
Married to my second husband, expecting a child (produced from my husband’s infidelity), regrouping from a separation and divorce from my first husband, getting back into the work field full force after losing both businesses in my divorce, rebuilding trust with my husband after infidelity, raising my four young children, homeschooling all four children, my youngest transitioning from boy to girl completely now, and changing my life as I knew it before…they say God only gives you what you can handle, I guess he thinks I can handle quite a bit. And I did, I persevered and come out stronger, wiser, more in tact than ever before…My character got me through, my strength pulled me through, my ability to overcome helped me handle the many curve balls thrown my way.
If I decided to stay with this man, the infidelity would be something I would have to wear for all to see. My four young children, ages now 3-8 years old, would have to be told, even if they don’t completely understand. There was a baby on the way, my boyfriend’s very first child, the child I had envisioned giving him, having together, is now with another. My first husband and his new wife would know, my children would know, my family and friends would know. My man’s infidelity would be something I would wear on my sleeve for all to see from here on out. There is a child produced from the affair. I had no choice but to acknowledge the child, support the relationship with my boyfriend’s first born child, and show my children the act of forgiveness. Not an easy task, was not done with ease, took almost all I had in me to find this place of love for my man.
They say the first cut is the deepest…indeed it is. Having experienced my one true love since I was fifteen, telling me he wanted a separation after six years of dating, five years of marriage, two toddlers and six weeks pregnant…definitely cuts deep. My heart broke for the first time, completely in two.
Second cut scars and remains, but isn’t as deep. Can I manage? Can I forgive? Can I take back?…after infidelity, after knowing a baby of another woman is on it’s way, after the second scar to my heart. I did.
My heart had been broken in two once in my life but it is not a jagged heart, a blackened heart, a hesitant heart. It is open, possible forgiveness, for another thought of love with the man who caused my heart to scar.
Is it because he doesn’t have the ability to be the first cut, or is it because I have had my first cut? I am not a scorned woman and have not allowed my heart to be unforgiving. So I love him and we try again.
Running away with your tail between your legs does not show remorse, does not show love, does not show regret. Apologize, love, and fight for us. Infidelity, a baby now with another woman, affair, lies, cheating…why would you not fight for your love, why not stand tall with apology, stand firm with love and stand humbly with regret. I will never understand. Did it hurt more that he lied and cheated or did it hurt more that he chose to not fight for what we had built? I asked him to leave and he did…that hurt the most.
There I was, divorced, now facing infidelity with my new love. Not only infidelity but infidelity with a baby on the way with another woman. What did I do? I asked him to leave…and he did. Just like that…he left. No fight, no apology, no nothing. Turned with his tail between his legs and left. Figures.
Many people say that the fairytale doesn’t exist in real life, but I am here to say it does. I am not speaking only of love but of the fairytale marriage, life, and love. I lived it…fell in love, married my high school sweet heart, had a beautiful family, all with love and ease. My fairytale did not end, it continued but into a really good fiction. People view divorce as the fairytale ending, the reality that it never existed but that is not true. Divorce did not mean my fairytale didn’t happen or exist, it only meant my story was supposed to have a different ending, or turn so to say. I remarried, not into a fairytale as before but rather a fictional book that you can’t put down. No my husband doesn’t open the door for me, doesn’t remember to bring me flowers, is broken internally in many ways but the fictional story my life is writing is one of intrigue, love, stories within stories, etc. My fairytale evolved into my fascinating fictional story. It is different but equally as wonderful. Don’t lose sight of the greatness that comes from an amazing fiction even if it’s the fairytale you are seeking, it could be your fiction that brings you the joy.
After a year of separation, a divorce pending, a relationship healed, my light at the end of the tunnel was shining through the long dark tunnel it had been at the end of for a year now. A small shimmer, a small flicker, a glimmer of light shining through for me at the end of my tunnel. A new beginning, a new home, a new job, a new situation, a new life path…my light had fought to shine through that tunnel for me. Then I asked my new love a question….too simple, too loaded, too naive. “Have you ever been unfaithful to me?”….the answer was one that would not only knock me to my core but diminish my light completely. It was not only a yes, but yes and she’s pregnant…light diminished.